Go slow.

The past 2 weeks have been very stressful for me.  I have been putting out huge and unexpected fires at work in conjunction with a few very large, planned events.  By putting in 14 hour workdays consistently including the weekends and mares foaling out at 2am, I am literally exhausting all of my mental and physical resources daily (being on crutches at my job is no easy physical task.  I can confidently say that I crutch at least 2 miles every day).  Trying to plan a wedding with people in 3 different states and 2 different time zones, resigning my position at my current job and constantly explaining to students why I am leaving, and trying to help out with other prior commitments hasn't made the situation any less tense.

I am normally a person that people call on when they need extra help on a project, or someone to vent to on the phone, or someone to bring cookies to an event.  I have had to turn down a lot of those requests these past two weeks, and I have gotten some very disappointed and hurt reactions from people whose feelings I hurt by not being there for them when they needed me.

This has caused a lot of self examination over the past week, and I've discovered that I'm not the person I want to be in several areas.  I am serving people out of obligation rather than because I love them and want to bring them some happiness.  I am not honoring the Lord like I should in my work, in my home, or through my exhausted and selfish attitude.  I have a lot of learning and growing to do in my relationships with my students and in preparing myself for the roles that I will serve in my marriage with Landon.

I was very overwhelmed by these feelings and was feeling pretty discouraged the other day.  So I shared some of this with my mom (she's awesome...have you met her? ;) ), and she sent me the "mantra" that she has started trying to live out every day:

Go slow.
Be God struck.
Grant grace.
Live truth.
Give thanks.
Love well.
Become the gift.

Its a shame we can't figure out who came up with this, but they are a genius.

I am determined to GO SLOW.  I can't improve in these areas of my life if I can't focus on them and give them attention.  I'm pretty sure that I've never gone slow a day in my life, but there's a first time for everything, eh?

This week I graduated from a soft cast into a walking boot.  If you read my previous post about how much crutches suck, then you will understand how ecstatic I am to be in a walking boot.  My surgeon sad that I can begin to bear weight on my ankle as long as it is not painful.  The goal is to get me totally off of crutches in about 2 weeks (yipee!).

As excited as I was to get the soft cast off at my appointment, I was very hesitant/scared to put weight onto my leg for the first time in several weeks.  So now I am tentatively crutching around at a snail's pace trying to ease my foot back into activity without stressing it too much.

If I try to go too fast into this process, I will be doing more damage to my ankle and will prevent it from healing properly.  I will continue to struggle with the repair process and I will be in pain.  Can I crutch somewhere faster than I can gimp?  Absolutely.  I'm actually pretty lightning fast on those suckers.  Will it do my ankle any good?  Not a lick.  If I don't ease it back into normal routine, I can't use it.  If I go fast, I'm either going to screw it up or risk never having forward progress because I'm not paying attention.

Anyone see a parallel to life here?  Cheesy?  Yes.  True?  Yes.

I am so determined to get myself back on track with the way that Christ wants me to love other people and honor and glorify him in all that I do.  I am determined to go slow.

You may not be having a 14 hour workday that kicks your butt today, but have you gotten swept up in the world of social media instead of having a conversation with someone you love?  Have you gone through the routine of your day so many times that there is no meaning behind your actions and they are now simply habit?

Go slow and take a closer look around.

Crutches are for suckers

Ah, post-surgery life.  A time of healing.

A time of rest.

A time of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman DVD marathons and green tea and percoset.

Also a time of throbbing triceps, awkward showers, and face plants.  Thanks a lot, crutches.

I pretty much consider myself a seasoned pro on crutches now and feel like I have authority to make the declaration that crutches are for suckers.  For the past 3 years, I have spent the first few months of the year on crutches.  In January 2011 I sprained my knee snowboarding in MI.  In March 2012, I fractured and sprained my ankle courtesy of some ducks (and possibly horses...).  And now in March/April 2013, I am recovering from a ligament repair from the aforementioned incident with the ducks.

I have learned a lot about crutches in this repetitive time period.  I think that everyone who has ever been on crutches will fully appreciate these sentiments, but I have taken the past 3 years into consideration when I make the following statements.

Things I have learned about life on crutches:

1. You can get a temporary handicapped parking pass!!!! (HOW did it take me 3 years to figure this out???)
2. Be careful when crutching on snow/ice/rain.  Be even more careful when you take that first step indoors onto the linoleum floor while your crutches are wet.
3. Your single-leg squats will improve dramatically if you are prone to dropping things like I am.
4. Your can get a killer ab workout in the shower/tub while attempting to shave your legs (or you can slice them open with your razor because you are wobbling all around.  Whichever.  Actually, it is probably best not to even try to shave and pretend that you are a hippie instead).  *side note*:  this tactic works best when you attempt to sit in the bathtub with your cast sticking out of the tub while trying to shave.
5. Duct tape will become your best friend in the shower (to keep water out of your cast.  Especially if you are using a trash bag system because you broke your nice, professional "waterproof cast protector").
6. Actually, it is best just not to shower.  Just get some Febreeze, throw on a hat, and call it a day.
7. Carrying stuff becomes an art.  You will carry things in your mouth frequently, much like a dog.
8. Nice people will carry things for you.
9. Jerks will not carry things for you and will watch you struggle.
10. Enjoying a fountain drink becomes impossible because you cannot carry it, and you will thirst when trying to dine out.  Its best just not to do it.  The experience gets ruined.
11. When you get done with your crutches, you will be able to bust out 100 push ups like a piece of cake.
12. You will fall.  Try to fall away from your injury.  I'm really good at shifting my momentum so I bite it face-first :)
13. Sports bras keep you from chafing under your arms.
14. Keep all of your left shoes (the ones you aren't able to wear) in a place safe from spiders and snakes (yes.  I did in fact find a tarantula teenager in one of my idle shoes that I left outside).
15. If a horse is about to knock you over, giving it a good smack with a crutch will usually startle it and make it jump away from you) *note*: it is possible that it may decide to kick at you instead.  Just think like a boy scout and always be prepared
16. Use an office style rolling chair in your kitchen to allow you to cook.  Its much easier to shimmy from the fridge to the counter to the stove to the table sitting on your butt with 2 free hands.  However, be prepared to get a little too excited and bite it face first out of your chair.
17. Your toes will look gross because they are constantly exposed the elements and you cannot wash them vigorously.
18. Your dog will obsessively smell your surgery site because he thinks it is weird.  It will be awkward and uncomfortable.
19. You will sorely, sorely miss the opportunity to just carry a cup of coffee or tea somewhere and sit down (unless of course you are lucky and live with someone who will bring you coffee or tea).  I just sip it standing in place now because I have spilled way too many cups and cleaning up the floor is hard.
20. Just suck up your pride and ride around on those stupid little motorized carts at the grocery store/Target.  Unless you get someone to go shopping with you, it will be virtually impossible and you will be exhausted upon conclusion.  When you have to back that thing up and it beeps, just shrug it off.  You weren't that cool before anyway.

And yes, these are all speaking from experience ;)

ttfn

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