Go slow.

The past 2 weeks have been very stressful for me.  I have been putting out huge and unexpected fires at work in conjunction with a few very large, planned events.  By putting in 14 hour workdays consistently including the weekends and mares foaling out at 2am, I am literally exhausting all of my mental and physical resources daily (being on crutches at my job is no easy physical task.  I can confidently say that I crutch at least 2 miles every day).  Trying to plan a wedding with people in 3 different states and 2 different time zones, resigning my position at my current job and constantly explaining to students why I am leaving, and trying to help out with other prior commitments hasn't made the situation any less tense.

I am normally a person that people call on when they need extra help on a project, or someone to vent to on the phone, or someone to bring cookies to an event.  I have had to turn down a lot of those requests these past two weeks, and I have gotten some very disappointed and hurt reactions from people whose feelings I hurt by not being there for them when they needed me.

This has caused a lot of self examination over the past week, and I've discovered that I'm not the person I want to be in several areas.  I am serving people out of obligation rather than because I love them and want to bring them some happiness.  I am not honoring the Lord like I should in my work, in my home, or through my exhausted and selfish attitude.  I have a lot of learning and growing to do in my relationships with my students and in preparing myself for the roles that I will serve in my marriage with Landon.

I was very overwhelmed by these feelings and was feeling pretty discouraged the other day.  So I shared some of this with my mom (she's awesome...have you met her? ;) ), and she sent me the "mantra" that she has started trying to live out every day:

Go slow.
Be God struck.
Grant grace.
Live truth.
Give thanks.
Love well.
Become the gift.

Its a shame we can't figure out who came up with this, but they are a genius.

I am determined to GO SLOW.  I can't improve in these areas of my life if I can't focus on them and give them attention.  I'm pretty sure that I've never gone slow a day in my life, but there's a first time for everything, eh?

This week I graduated from a soft cast into a walking boot.  If you read my previous post about how much crutches suck, then you will understand how ecstatic I am to be in a walking boot.  My surgeon sad that I can begin to bear weight on my ankle as long as it is not painful.  The goal is to get me totally off of crutches in about 2 weeks (yipee!).

As excited as I was to get the soft cast off at my appointment, I was very hesitant/scared to put weight onto my leg for the first time in several weeks.  So now I am tentatively crutching around at a snail's pace trying to ease my foot back into activity without stressing it too much.

If I try to go too fast into this process, I will be doing more damage to my ankle and will prevent it from healing properly.  I will continue to struggle with the repair process and I will be in pain.  Can I crutch somewhere faster than I can gimp?  Absolutely.  I'm actually pretty lightning fast on those suckers.  Will it do my ankle any good?  Not a lick.  If I don't ease it back into normal routine, I can't use it.  If I go fast, I'm either going to screw it up or risk never having forward progress because I'm not paying attention.

Anyone see a parallel to life here?  Cheesy?  Yes.  True?  Yes.

I am so determined to get myself back on track with the way that Christ wants me to love other people and honor and glorify him in all that I do.  I am determined to go slow.

You may not be having a 14 hour workday that kicks your butt today, but have you gotten swept up in the world of social media instead of having a conversation with someone you love?  Have you gone through the routine of your day so many times that there is no meaning behind your actions and they are now simply habit?

Go slow and take a closer look around.