The past 2 weeks have been very stressful for me. I have been putting out huge and unexpected fires at work in conjunction with a few very large, planned events. By putting in 14 hour workdays consistently including the weekends and mares foaling out at 2am, I am literally exhausting all of my mental and physical resources daily (being on crutches at my job is no easy physical task. I can confidently say that I crutch at least 2 miles every day). Trying to plan a wedding with people in 3 different states and 2 different time zones, resigning my position at my current job and constantly explaining to students why I am leaving, and trying to help out with other prior commitments hasn't made the situation any less tense.
I am normally a person that people call on when they need extra help on a project, or someone to vent to on the phone, or someone to bring cookies to an event. I have had to turn down a lot of those requests these past two weeks, and I have gotten some very disappointed and hurt reactions from people whose feelings I hurt by not being there for them when they needed me.
This has caused a lot of self examination over the past week, and I've discovered that I'm not the person I want to be in several areas. I am serving people out of obligation rather than because I love them and want to bring them some happiness. I am not honoring the Lord like I should in my work, in my home, or through my exhausted and selfish attitude. I have a lot of learning and growing to do in my relationships with my students and in preparing myself for the roles that I will serve in my marriage with Landon.
I was very overwhelmed by these feelings and was feeling pretty discouraged the other day. So I shared some of this with my mom (she's awesome...have you met her? ;) ), and she sent me the "mantra" that she has started trying to live out every day:
Go slow.
Be God struck.
Grant grace.
Live truth.
Give thanks.
Love well.
Become the gift.
Its a shame we can't figure out who came up with this, but they are a genius.
I am determined to GO SLOW. I can't improve in these areas of my life if I can't focus on them and give them attention. I'm pretty sure that I've never gone slow a day in my life, but there's a first time for everything, eh?
This week I graduated from a soft cast into a walking boot. If you read my previous post about how much crutches suck, then you will understand how ecstatic I am to be in a walking boot. My surgeon sad that I can begin to bear weight on my ankle as long as it is not painful. The goal is to get me totally off of crutches in about 2 weeks (yipee!).
As excited as I was to get the soft cast off at my appointment, I was very hesitant/scared to put weight onto my leg for the first time in several weeks. So now I am tentatively crutching around at a snail's pace trying to ease my foot back into activity without stressing it too much.
If I try to go too fast into this process, I will be doing more damage to my ankle and will prevent it from healing properly. I will continue to struggle with the repair process and I will be in pain. Can I crutch somewhere faster than I can gimp? Absolutely. I'm actually pretty lightning fast on those suckers. Will it do my ankle any good? Not a lick. If I don't ease it back into normal routine, I can't use it. If I go fast, I'm either going to screw it up or risk never having forward progress because I'm not paying attention.
Anyone see a parallel to life here? Cheesy? Yes. True? Yes.
I am so determined to get myself back on track with the way that Christ wants me to love other people and honor and glorify him in all that I do. I am determined to go slow.
You may not be having a 14 hour workday that kicks your butt today, but have you gotten swept up in the world of social media instead of having a conversation with someone you love? Have you gone through the routine of your day so many times that there is no meaning behind your actions and they are now simply habit?
Go slow and take a closer look around.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Monday, April 22, 2013
Crutches are for suckers
Ah, post-surgery life. A time of healing.
A time of rest.
A time of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman DVD marathons and green tea and percoset.
Also a time of throbbing triceps, awkward showers, and face plants. Thanks a lot, crutches.
I pretty much consider myself a seasoned pro on crutches now and feel like I have authority to make the declaration that crutches are for suckers. For the past 3 years, I have spent the first few months of the year on crutches. In January 2011 I sprained my knee snowboarding in MI. In March 2012, I fractured and sprained my ankle courtesy of some ducks (and possibly horses...). And now in March/April 2013, I am recovering from a ligament repair from the aforementioned incident with the ducks.
I have learned a lot about crutches in this repetitive time period. I think that everyone who has ever been on crutches will fully appreciate these sentiments, but I have taken the past 3 years into consideration when I make the following statements.
Things I have learned about life on crutches:
A time of rest.
A time of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman DVD marathons and green tea and percoset.
Also a time of throbbing triceps, awkward showers, and face plants. Thanks a lot, crutches.
I pretty much consider myself a seasoned pro on crutches now and feel like I have authority to make the declaration that crutches are for suckers. For the past 3 years, I have spent the first few months of the year on crutches. In January 2011 I sprained my knee snowboarding in MI. In March 2012, I fractured and sprained my ankle courtesy of some ducks (and possibly horses...). And now in March/April 2013, I am recovering from a ligament repair from the aforementioned incident with the ducks.
I have learned a lot about crutches in this repetitive time period. I think that everyone who has ever been on crutches will fully appreciate these sentiments, but I have taken the past 3 years into consideration when I make the following statements.
Things I have learned about life on crutches:
- You can get a temporary handicapped parking pass!!!! (HOW did it take me 3 years to figure this out???)
- Be careful when crutching on snow/ice/rain. Be even more careful when you take that first step indoors onto the linoleum floor while your crutches are wet.
- Your single-leg squats will improve dramatically if you are prone to dropping things like I am.
- Your can get a killer ab workout in the shower/tub while attempting to shave your legs (or you can slice them open with your razor because you are wobbling all around. Whichever. Actually, it is probably best not to even try to shave and pretend that you are a hippie instead). *side note*: this tactic works best when you attempt to sit in the bathtub with your cast sticking out of the tub while trying to shave.
- Duct tape will become your best friend in the shower (to keep water out of your cast. Especially if you are using a trash bag system because you broke your nice, professional "waterproof cast protector").
- Actually, it is best just not to shower. Just get some Febreeze, throw on a hat, and call it a day.
- Carrying stuff becomes an art. You will carry things in your mouth frequently, much like a dog.
- Nice people will carry things for you.
- Jerks will not carry things for you and will watch you struggle.
- Enjoying a fountain drink becomes impossible because you cannot carry it, and you will thirst when trying to dine out. Its best just not to do it. The experience gets ruined.
- When you get done with your crutches, you will be able to bust out 100 push ups like a piece of cake.
- You will fall. Try to fall away from your injury. I'm really good at shifting my momentum so I bite it face-first :)
- Sports bras keep you from chafing under your arms.
- Keep all of your left shoes (the ones you aren't able to wear) in a place safe from spiders and snakes (yes. I did in fact find a tarantula teenager in one of my idle shoes that I left outside).
- If a horse is about to knock you over, giving it a good smack with a crutch will usually startle it and make it jump away from you) *note*: it is possible that it may decide to kick at you instead. Just think like a boy scout and always be prepared
- Use an office style rolling chair in your kitchen to allow you to cook. Its much easier to shimmy from the fridge to the counter to the stove to the table sitting on your butt with 2 free hands. However, be prepared to get a little too excited and bite it face first out of your chair.
- Your toes will look gross because they are constantly exposed the elements and you cannot wash them vigorously.
- Your dog will obsessively smell your surgery site because he thinks it is weird. It will be awkward and uncomfortable.
- You will sorely, sorely miss the opportunity to just carry a cup of coffee or tea somewhere and sit down (unless of course you are lucky and live with someone who will bring you coffee or tea). I just sip it standing in place now because I have spilled way too many cups and cleaning up the floor is hard.
- Just suck up your pride and ride around on those stupid little motorized carts at the grocery store/Target. Unless you get someone to go shopping with you, it will be virtually impossible and you will be exhausted upon conclusion. When you have to back that thing up and it beeps, just shrug it off. You weren't that cool before anyway.
And yes, these are all speaking from experience ;)
ttfn
ap
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Got a new leg!
Well..... not a totally new leg. Just a new ligament in my ankle. Actually, not really a new ligament.... more like a repaired ligament. So, to sum up, nothing new, just fixed. Which kind of negates my title a little bit....
Oh well.
Remember the "incident" from last March that resulted in some ligament tears and a fracture in my ankle? Well, after a few more MRIs and a lot of residual pain, my orthopedist determined that I still had damage to one of the lateral ligaments in my ankle. So I had surgery on Monday to repair the ligament.
My little brother Ben came into town last Thursday to help me out post-surgery. We had a few days of fun while I was still on 2 legs that included the Farmer's Market, horseback riding, and a beautiful afternoon of surfing.
Surgery went well. Honestly, the worst part of the whole day was having to be stuck with needles 4 different times for a catheter because my veins are so sucky (and yes, I am aware what a fabulous picture this is of myself...).
My friend Steph is a labor and delivery nurse in the hospital and she hooked me up with a fantastic anesthesiologist. Surgery and anesthesia went great (I was in such great spirits that according to the nurses, right before I went under I gave my surgeon a thumbs-up and said "good luck everyone! Do a good job, ok?!"), and I felt great the rest of that day.
I have a plaster cast on for now and have my first post-op appointment on Friday to see how the incision is healing up.
Ben has been wonderful at taking care of me (he has been making me dinner, doing the laundry, and occupying the dogs....woo hoo!), and I've had so many of my friends and co-workers call and check up on me this week. I'm lucky to have such wonderful people surrounding me! Now I need to wean myself off the percoset and into the walking boot and I'll be good to go! I am super excited to finally have an ankle that works again and will let me ride a horse for longer than 45 minutes at a time :)
ttfn!
ap
Oh well.
Remember the "incident" from last March that resulted in some ligament tears and a fracture in my ankle? Well, after a few more MRIs and a lot of residual pain, my orthopedist determined that I still had damage to one of the lateral ligaments in my ankle. So I had surgery on Monday to repair the ligament.
My little brother Ben came into town last Thursday to help me out post-surgery. We had a few days of fun while I was still on 2 legs that included the Farmer's Market, horseback riding, and a beautiful afternoon of surfing.
Surgery went well. Honestly, the worst part of the whole day was having to be stuck with needles 4 different times for a catheter because my veins are so sucky (and yes, I am aware what a fabulous picture this is of myself...).
My friend Steph is a labor and delivery nurse in the hospital and she hooked me up with a fantastic anesthesiologist. Surgery and anesthesia went great (I was in such great spirits that according to the nurses, right before I went under I gave my surgeon a thumbs-up and said "good luck everyone! Do a good job, ok?!"), and I felt great the rest of that day.
I have a plaster cast on for now and have my first post-op appointment on Friday to see how the incision is healing up.
Ben has been wonderful at taking care of me (he has been making me dinner, doing the laundry, and occupying the dogs....woo hoo!), and I've had so many of my friends and co-workers call and check up on me this week. I'm lucky to have such wonderful people surrounding me! Now I need to wean myself off the percoset and into the walking boot and I'll be good to go! I am super excited to finally have an ankle that works again and will let me ride a horse for longer than 45 minutes at a time :)
ttfn!
ap
Thursday, March 21, 2013
The Engagement Story
So, you may or may not have caught my teaser on my last post.... but Landon and I are engaged! He came west to visit me 2 weekends ago (March 9th). We went hiking in Yosemite National Park and he proposed at Nevada Falls. That is, of course, the short-and-sweet version. But most people want all the juicy details, so I shall share those, photos included :)
Landon caught me totally by surprise. We have had "the marriage talk" several times in the past, so I knew that we were both on the same page with where our relationship was headed, but I thought for sure that I would know when he purchased the ring. He gets very excited about big purchases (heck, whenever this kid buys a new gun I hear about it for like 14 consecutive days...), and I felt sure that he would let something slip and I would know that he bought a ring.
Here is where I profusely apologize to my fiance and promise to never doubt his secret-keeping/sneakiness again.
He bought the ring in December. As in, 3 months before he proposed. Because this kid is a planner. He wanted to use the time on our cruise with my family to talk with my parents in person and ask my dad for my hand (*insert romantic "awwwwww" here). Which he successfully did without any indication on my part about what was going on. His parents came to visit in January and he showed them the ring and asked their blessing. In the meantime, he also talked to Hales ("Lauren" to some of you) to confirm the kind of rings that I like when we went ring-shopping together like a year ago. So, the people who knew about this before I did were my parents, my brothers (who walked "in" on Landon and daddy during "the talk"), his parents, several of his friends, and Hales.
In the meantime, he suggested that the next time he came for a visit we should go hiking in Yosemite: 1. because he has never been there, 2. because he knows how much I love that park, 3. because it could be my last "hurrah" before my surgery and no hiking for a few months, and 4. because we love doing these things together. He also suggested that we go by ourselves (not with our other camping buddies) because we were going to be doing winter hiking and he didn't want to listen to them whine/slow us down on the harder trails (translation: I'm setting up the perfect proposal situation).
Its a super good thing that I'm not very astute and/or good at picking up on small details like this.
I swear that I was completely oblivious to all of this planning.
So he arrived on Thursday and we went out to Yosemite on Friday. It was still pretty snowy, but the weather was BEAUTIFUL! It was only down to 30 at night (which is very tolerable if you are prepared for winter camping) and was beautiful, sunny, clear and 45-50 during the day. Aside from a little snow the first night that actually froze our tent into a sheet of ice, it was perfect weather.
Enough words. Time for pictures.
We started off on Saturday for Nevada Falls via the John Muir Trail.
After lots of beautiful scenery and clear hiking at the base, we hit lots of snow. So much snow that they closed off our trail. Being the law-abiding citizens that we are, we decided to try the trail anyway. Besides, according to this picture, if there is an avalanche/rock slide, just use your spear!
It turned out to be a great choice. The trail was beautiful with fresh fallen snow and we had it all to ourselves. It seriously felt like we were in Narnia.
At this point, we were starting to tread on some dangerous territory. There was about 7 feet of snow/ice underneath us and we had about a 5 foot ledge from the rock wall to a couple thousand foot drop, so we decided to hedge our bet and turn back once we hit a giant ice wall.
We stopped for lunch with a beautiful view. After we ate, Landon and I were enjoying a "moment" looking at the beauty around us. I was leaning up against him and had my back to him. He spun me around and took my hands and I thought he was going to be really romantic and kiss me. Instead he dropped down to one knee and pulled the ring out of his pocket. I honestly can't tell you what I did/said because I was so shocked. Landon said that my eyes got huge and my jaw dropped and that I immediately said yes (and them promptly asked him if he had asked my daddy's permission). This was, of course, followed by lots of hugging, jumping up and down, and ridiculous "Alaina excitement" type activities.
The following pictures were taken once we hiked back down a few miles and found people again.
I am so, so happy that he caught me by surprise. It was such a wonderful weekend. It was absolutely fantastic to be able to celebrate with each other and just enjoy the weekend by hiking another beautiful trail on Sunday and enjoying God's amazing creation and the blessings that He has given us in each other. I spent all of Saturday in shock, and it really sunk in on Sunday when I woke up with a ring on my finger.
The thing that I did not expect was how amazingly overwhelmed (in a good way!) we felt by the love pouring out from our family and friends over the next few days (Landon was able to stay in SLO until Tuesday, so we spent Monday and Tuesday calling people and celebrating with the folks in CA). We are so blessed to have such supportive, amazing friends and family who are ready to support us in this adventure together. Thank you all for your love!!!!!!! You have made us feel so special!
I am excited beyond words to spend my life with this man. He truly is my better half. He challenges me to strengthen my relationship with God, to fix weak areas of my character, and to love with all that I can give. He shows me that I am special, that I am talented, and that I am loved. I never knew that you could love a person so much, and I can't wait to get married to my best friend this fall :)
Also, Yosemite is now my favorite national park (it was #4 on the list before).
Oh, yeah, and here is my kick-ass ring! I wish the picture could show how sparkly this diamond is!
love,
the future mrs. landon cross
Landon caught me totally by surprise. We have had "the marriage talk" several times in the past, so I knew that we were both on the same page with where our relationship was headed, but I thought for sure that I would know when he purchased the ring. He gets very excited about big purchases (heck, whenever this kid buys a new gun I hear about it for like 14 consecutive days...), and I felt sure that he would let something slip and I would know that he bought a ring.
Here is where I profusely apologize to my fiance and promise to never doubt his secret-keeping/sneakiness again.
He bought the ring in December. As in, 3 months before he proposed. Because this kid is a planner. He wanted to use the time on our cruise with my family to talk with my parents in person and ask my dad for my hand (*insert romantic "awwwwww" here). Which he successfully did without any indication on my part about what was going on. His parents came to visit in January and he showed them the ring and asked their blessing. In the meantime, he also talked to Hales ("Lauren" to some of you) to confirm the kind of rings that I like when we went ring-shopping together like a year ago. So, the people who knew about this before I did were my parents, my brothers (who walked "in" on Landon and daddy during "the talk"), his parents, several of his friends, and Hales.
In the meantime, he suggested that the next time he came for a visit we should go hiking in Yosemite: 1. because he has never been there, 2. because he knows how much I love that park, 3. because it could be my last "hurrah" before my surgery and no hiking for a few months, and 4. because we love doing these things together. He also suggested that we go by ourselves (not with our other camping buddies) because we were going to be doing winter hiking and he didn't want to listen to them whine/slow us down on the harder trails (translation: I'm setting up the perfect proposal situation).
Its a super good thing that I'm not very astute and/or good at picking up on small details like this.
I swear that I was completely oblivious to all of this planning.
So he arrived on Thursday and we went out to Yosemite on Friday. It was still pretty snowy, but the weather was BEAUTIFUL! It was only down to 30 at night (which is very tolerable if you are prepared for winter camping) and was beautiful, sunny, clear and 45-50 during the day. Aside from a little snow the first night that actually froze our tent into a sheet of ice, it was perfect weather.
Enough words. Time for pictures.
We started off on Saturday for Nevada Falls via the John Muir Trail.
After lots of beautiful scenery and clear hiking at the base, we hit lots of snow. So much snow that they closed off our trail. Being the law-abiding citizens that we are, we decided to try the trail anyway. Besides, according to this picture, if there is an avalanche/rock slide, just use your spear!
It turned out to be a great choice. The trail was beautiful with fresh fallen snow and we had it all to ourselves. It seriously felt like we were in Narnia.
At this point, we were starting to tread on some dangerous territory. There was about 7 feet of snow/ice underneath us and we had about a 5 foot ledge from the rock wall to a couple thousand foot drop, so we decided to hedge our bet and turn back once we hit a giant ice wall.
The thing that I did not expect was how amazingly overwhelmed (in a good way!) we felt by the love pouring out from our family and friends over the next few days (Landon was able to stay in SLO until Tuesday, so we spent Monday and Tuesday calling people and celebrating with the folks in CA). We are so blessed to have such supportive, amazing friends and family who are ready to support us in this adventure together. Thank you all for your love!!!!!!! You have made us feel so special!
I am excited beyond words to spend my life with this man. He truly is my better half. He challenges me to strengthen my relationship with God, to fix weak areas of my character, and to love with all that I can give. He shows me that I am special, that I am talented, and that I am loved. I never knew that you could love a person so much, and I can't wait to get married to my best friend this fall :)
Also, Yosemite is now my favorite national park (it was #4 on the list before).
Oh, yeah, and here is my kick-ass ring! I wish the picture could show how sparkly this diamond is!
love,
the future mrs. landon cross
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